April Update on New Year's Resolutions

Below are the New Year's Resolutions I made for 2017.  Can you believe 2017 is already A THIRD OF THE WAY DONE?!  I can't believe it.  I'm turning 30 in about 5 months, but I don't wanna talk about it.  Anyway, let's get a progress update on my resolution list, shall we?

1) Lose another 50 pounds - As of this past Sunday, April 30, I have completed two months of my 3-month weight loss challenge in which I've lost about 13 pounds so far!  But I have to confess, my exercising has slacked off, so I need to get back on that.

2) Pay off all of our immediate debt - Still working on it - it's definitely a work-in-progress.  Obviously, if we're still working on it... Anyway, enough of that.  (We're hoping to have everything paid off - except for my students loans - by this time next year!)

3) Rewrite Ravensboro - Still no more progress on this.  Sadly, I haven't been bitten by the writing bug lately.  But maybe soon, I will be.

4) Finish Harkness - I really can't start on this until Ravensboro is done...  ='(

5) Journal/Blog more - I have a few more book summaries waiting to be written and posted on my blog, but I finished the Harry Potter series - yay!  Not really journalling right now, but I'll figure out some kind of plan soon.

6) Find out where I should be career-wise - This is honestly still a prayer in my heart, but when you're paying off debt, a career or job change is about the stupidest thing you could possibly do.  Am I right?  This past weekend, I went to a Beth Moore devotional weekend with my best friend, and God showed me some things to work on in my spiritual walk, so that's at the forefront of things I'm focusing on right now, and honestly, I don't feel the least bit bad about it.  At all.  So yeah.


What about you?  Did you have any New Year's Resolutions going into 2017?  How are those working out?

Top 10 Hymns

My friend, Hannah (who has an awesome blog, btw - you should check it out), just made her list of top ten hymns, so I took the time to make mine.  A lot of these have sentimental value attached, so just bear with me while I list them out for you:

10. Amazing Grace -  If Christianity had an anthem, I'm sure this would be it.  But, I mean, if you really think about the words themselves, they are SO AMAZING.  Because of His amazing grace, a wretch like me was saved - how sweet is the sound of that grace!

9. Power of the Cross - I love this song, because the melody accentuates the words so amazingly.  And the emotions that I can pour into this song - whoo.  That's all I have to say about that.  Favorite stanza (even though they're all awesome):

"Oh, to see my name

Written in the wounds,

For through Your suffering I am free.

Death is crushed to death;

Life is mine to live,

Won through Your selfless love." 

8. Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing - This is one of the most poetic hymns I've ever heard.  I just love it.

7. Old Rugged Cross - I used to sing this hymn in the truck with my dad on Sundays when he would take me to church.  I don't have a lot of fond memories of my relationship with him, but this is one of the best :)

6. O the Deep, Deep Love - This is a "new" hymn, but it's so beautiful.  Just in case you've never heard it, please take a moment and listen.

5. Be Thou My Vision - For those of you who don't know me (or much about me), know this - I LOVE acapella music, and I love singing in harmony.  This hymn is definitely one of my favorite ones to sing acapella.

4. When I Survey the Wondrous Cross - The words to this song.  Man.  They make me bawl like a baby.  Or choke up immensely.  All depends on the room and the day.  I actually like the alternative melody to this song.  If you don't know what I'm talking about, take a listen:

3. Just As I Am - This hymn has been the "altar call" go-to hymn at manyyyyy church services I've been to.  I have it memorized.  And it is challenging, and so convicting too.

2. How Great Thou Art - This song can either be sung acapella as a solo, or as a HUGE choral number with many parts.  I've heard it both ways, and I believe the words are just as powerful either way!

1. I Need Thee Every Hour - Guys.  This song.  Is my favorite hymn of all time (obviously, because I listed it at number one.)  This hymn has the ability to break my heart down ANY TIME I hear it, no matter WHAT is happening in my life when I listen to it.  Favorite version right here:

What about you?  What are your favorite hymns?  Can someone please comment something so at least I know people actually read my blog and this isn't just a glorified online journal?  lol

January Update on New Year's Resolutions

Below are the New Year's Resolutions I made for 2017.  Let's get a progress update, shall we?


1) Lose another 50 pounds - As of this morning, I have lost 8 pounds this month!  Wheeeee! And last week, I joined Gold's Gym, so hopefully, having to pay $30 a month will help me get my quickly-shrinking butt in gear! ;)

2) Pay off all of our immediate debt - Slowly but surely, this is happening.  We did have about $250 worth of unexpected car expenses come up this month, as well as us make about $200 less than we normally do, but God is providing, and we are trying really hard to be faithful to our budget!

3) Rewrite Ravensboro - So far, I've rewritten the Prologue and the first 2 chapters :)

4) Finish Harkness - I really can't start on this until Ravensboro is done, but I'm in the zone!

5) Journal/Blog more - I've written a few blog posts about the books I've read on my Book List for 2017, but I haven't journaled yet.  I really need to/want to get back in that habit.

6) Find out where I should be career-wise - Honestly, I'm not really sure how to measure this goal, or to even go about this goal, other than keeping my eye out for job openings that appeal to my talents & schooling.  I'm trusting in God to guide me and take care of my needs (which He is completely doing) during this time of dissatisfaction with my current career path.  I know He has a plan for me, and I'm willing to be faithful where I am until He moves me.


What about you?  Did you have any New Year's Resolutions going into 2017?  How are those working out?

What's New, Pussycat, Woah-oo-woah-oo-woah!

If you don't understand the title of my blog post, I feel sorry for you.

If you watched that, then you're welcome.  If you didn't, poo on you.

Anyway, back to me and what's new in my life.  I know, I know, I haven't written a blog post in ages, and I definitely haven't been keeping up with my #30DayChallenges, but I have to say, I did warn you at the beginning, and I'm much better at making plans than keeping them.  Sad, but true.

The first thing I want to say about my life is that I am back on Low Carb, Low Calorie, and I'm determined to lose at least 15 pounds by the end of this year!  I'm calling it my Pre-New Year's Resolution.  I've already lost 5 lbs just by eating less and eating healthier and drinking more water and using this great little APP called My Fitness Pal.  My immediate goal is to lose enough weight to fit back into my wedding dress (and most of my clothes!) - but my long-term goal is to be skinnier and more fit than I have ever been in my adult life, which shouldn't be too hard considering I've never really had a desire to be super fit before.

Okay, on to the next thing.  I need to get serious for a minute.  I don't usually work on Fridays, Saturdays, or Sundays as many of you know.  So most of the time, I'm at home by myself doing nothing in order to save money.  To be honest, it's been kind of depressing.  I don't make plans to hang out with friends, and more often than not, that just means I stay at home watching Netflix and pretending the people in the shows I'm watching are my friends (kidding, except kinda not).  And when it started, I blamed Tyler.  I blamed him for our financial shortage, I blamed him for not being wild and exciting and interesting and into all the things I'm into - in short, I blamed Tyler for not keeping me content.

And recently, I realized - IT'S NOT ANYONE'S JOB TO KEEP ME CONTENT; CONTENTMENT CAN ONLY COME FROM GOD.  Sorry I just had to All-Caps you guys in the face, but it's true.  Contentment can only come from God.  And guess what?  My prayer life during that time was virtually non-existent and the only time I read the Bible was on Sundays during the preacher's message at church.  It's a wonder I was so depressed and discontent. (sarcasm)

But then, my friend Hannah invited me to a new Bible study the women of Faith Baptist Church were beginning.  The Bible study is centered on 12 women in the Bible, and so far, I am learning SO MUCH from it - it's probably one of the best Bible studies I've ever been a part of.

Then I decided I wanted to try and read the Bible through in a year, because I've tried that a few times, and it never worked out.  However, I've never tried to read the Bible through chronologically.  So I hopped on Amazon.com and did some shopping and found the Reading God's Story: A Chronological Daily Bible.  I ordered it then and there; it arrived on Wednesday, and I'm already a few days in and loving it!

I don't want God's word or my relationship with Him to just be a checklist or a bunch of names and dates on paper, I want my faith to be a living, breathing, full-of-wonder thing.  I want to be the woman of God He created me to be.

So yeah, that's what's new in my life (the most important things anyway).  Also (sidenote), we recently got our Old Towne engagement pictures from Tyler's friend, Sara, so I'll be posting those soon.  Keep your eyes peeled!

Why You Should Care What People Think

I've heard a lot of people say, "I really don't care what anyone else thinks."  Or friends give other friends advice/encouragement with the words, "Don't care what anyone else thinks - do your own thing!"  But have you really thought about what saying those words means?

If you don't care what other people think, that means that you essentially only care about your own thoughts or opinions, which, in a word is SELFISH.  People who only care about what they think are selfish individuals who struggle with submitting to authority.

I bet now you're asking, "So does that mean we're supposed to care what everybody and their brother thinks?"  And the answer to that is an emphatic NO.  Because if you go around caring what everyone else thinks, you will have no inner strength to stand up for what you believe (because you will be bending to everyone else's will)!  That kind of life would make a very INSECURE and FICKLE human being.

So what's the alternative?  If we shouldn't care what everyone thinks, but we also shouldn't NOT care what everyone thinks, then what are we supposed to do?  Glad you asked.

I'm gonna throw a word out there, and you just think about it a minute.  Let it roll around in your brain.  Let it seep into your thoughts.  Let it form how you think about this topic.

The word is DISCERNMENT.

Some of you may already know what that word means.  Some of you may not.  So I'll tell you anyway.  Discernment is the ability to judge well or, in Christian contexts, discernment is perception in the absence of judgment with a view to obtain spiritual direction and understanding (thanks Google).

Discernment is one of those words often misused by Christians and hardly ever used by any one else...unless someone says that you have a "discerning eye" for beauty, clothes, etc.

It's no wonder, then, that people often take the "advice" to not care what anyone else thinks and become less humble, less selfless, and less able to submit to authority.

Let's go back a little bit and review who we are as people and why we were placed on this Earth with other people just like us.

We are imperfect.  We are fallible.  We are forgetful.  We are frail.  BUT we are also creatures of the same God.  He is our strength.  He comforts us, guides us, and gives us direction if we let Him.  Oftentimes this direction may appear in the form of ANOTHER HUMAN BEING being used by God to give us godly counsel or direction.

Did you catch that?  GOD SOMETIMES USES OTHER HUMAN BEINGS TO GIVE US GODLY COUNSEL OR DIRECTION.

Which means, if we're off "not caring what anyone else thinks" and doing our own thing, we may miss that direction.  We just need to be conscientious of others around us.  But that doesn't mean we need to take what everyone else says as "God's honest truth," because honestly, it may not be.  There are a lot of false prophets and deceitful people out there who would love to see us fall.

So what can we do to distinguish between those God is using and those who are trying to make us fall?  That's where discernment comes in.

1) God will never ask us to do anything that directly defies Scripture, so if someone is giving you advice or counsel that is against Scriptural teaching, then it is NOT of God, and you probably shouldn't listen to it.  If you're not sure whether the advice goes against Scripture, then GET IN THE WORD and find out!  Or ask someone you TRUST and who you know is wise in Scriptural teachings.

2) JUST BECAUSE advice or even an opinion comes from a "Christian" source does not automatically mean it is the right or only opinion to have.  Growing up, I had a friend who was a die-hard Christian.  Just to look at her, you could tell she loved Jesus.  It took me a long time to realize that there were certain things that we had different opinions about, and that was okay.  Just because she didn't like a certain store, certain clothes, certain music, or even certain people DID NOT mean that I shouldn't like them either.

3) On the flip-side, JUST BECAUSE advice or an opinion comes from a non-Christian source does not automatically mean it is the wrong opinion.  They just may come from the wrong motivation, but the opinions themselves may not be wrong.  For example, there are people in the world who are not Christians that have decided to save sex for marriage.  This reflects the biblical command to remain pure and undefiled for the marriage bed.  Another example is the health movement currently sweeping across America.  Not everyone who eats healthy is a Christian, just like not everyone who eats like a glutton is a pagan.  But Scripture does say our bodies are a temple of the Holy Spirit, so we need to treat it as such.

I hope this gives a clearer picture of why we should care what people...certain people...think.  BUT, we should always judge the thoughts and opinions of others through the lens of God's Word and what we know to be biblical truth.

LiveJournal Post from March 3, 2007

[This is a good reminder of what led me to counseling in the first place.]

     I am the queen of crap. My whole life - a load of crap. Everything I try to do - utter crap. 

     Ok, here's what I'm trying to say. I've met a lot of Christians in my life. They all have completely different personalities from mine. But when I met them, I noticed the love and passion they had for Almighty God, and I wanted that. So instead of seeking after Him, I sought after imitating their mode of worship and how they acted about their love for Him. So my worship to Him about 80% of the time was not real. It was not me. But today, I was challenged. I have been challenged a lot lately. Challenged to be who God made me. And to be real. To be authentically Christina in love with her heavenly FATHER. 

     And tonight I was grieving. Because I've been sick lately, and I've been focusing more on trying to get better instead of growing closer to God. So I was thinking about areas in my life that I'm unsatisfied with - I don't trust guys. I haven't developed very close friendships with the people I've met at college. Why? The heck if I know. So there I was, sitting in confused anguish. And I opened my Bible and prayed for God to open my eyes. And I found - 

"Give the Lord - you heavenly beings - give the Lord glory and strength. Give the Lord the glory due His name; worship the Lord in the SPLENDOR of His holiness. The voice of the Lord is above the waters. The God of glory THUNDERS - the Lord, above vast waters, the voice of the Lord in power, the voice of the Lord in SPLENDOR. The voice of the Lord breaks the cedars, the Lord shatters the cedars of Lebanon. He makes Lebanon skip like a calf, and Sirion, like a young wild ox. The voice of the Lord hews out FLAMES of fire. The voice of the Lord SHAKES the wilderness of Kadesh. The voice of the Lord makes the deer to calve and strips the forest bare; and in His temple everything says, "Glory!"" (Psalm 29:1-9)

     His voice does all this. His power is infinite. And His voice calls my name. He gives me His power over my enemies - His enemies. Wow. 

And then - "One thing I have asked from the Lord, that I shall seek: That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord and to meditate in His temple...When You said, ' Seek my face,' my heart said to You, ' Your face, O Lord, I shall seek.' ...Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord." (Psalm 27:4, 8, 14)

     That is what I pray I may do all the days of my life. To wait for the Lord. To dwell in His house. To behold His beauty. To meditate in His temple...to inquire in His holy place. To be transformed from the inside out. To show with my life His glory. My spiritual gift is exhortation. I want to use it for Him. 

     I do. This is my prayer. My plea. My passion. This is my purpose. I want to encourage others. I want to be available to everyone who needs someone to pray with. Because I've been so deep in despair and I've felt so alone in my quest, in my search to find God. I've felt like there was noone willing to pray with me who cared about what I might be going through. Who might not understand what I was going through or who might not want to try to understand. 

     But I want to know my life is open to God to use however He needs to use me. To lead me wherever I need to be led. And that I will be willing to follow. 

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; My heart trusts in Him and I am helped; Therefore my heart exults, and with my song I shall thank Him." (Psalm 28:7)

Quiet Night, Raucous Thoughts

(Originally written as a Note on Facebook on Saturday, October 6, 2012, at 10:39 pm)

My mind is everywhere tonight. I am sitting in a virtual stranger's house, babysitting two extremely beautiful children who are asleep, and I didn't bring a book to read so I'm at odds as to what to do. So, of course, I initially Facebook stalk people. Which led me to my friend Kelly Ann's most recent blog post, which was beautiful to read. And then I thought, "When was the last time I posted a blog?" So I figured I'd write a note that showed my heart and what's been going on inside it lately - hopefully this does just that, and God uses it to, in some way, bring glory to Himself. Because that's what my life should be all about. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

*deep breath*

Okay, so, as many of you who know me already know (haha, are you lost yet?), many of my friends as of late have been getting married or engaged. Which makes sense, because it's about that time in my life where friends will do that; I'm just at that age. But God never cites a specific age for finding THE ONE; it's in His timing, which is vastly different from mine. So anyway, friends getting engaged and married - check. And how do you think this made me feel?....sorry, I mean, how do you think I initially reacted to this? Like a spoiled brat. "God, why can't I get married like everyone else? Why am I still single? Why haven't I found THE ONE yet? WHYYYYYY?!" ...you get the picture. Now that I think back on it, it's kind of embarrassing...

So this was my attitude. And I was getting more and more frustrated with the "LACK" of attention I was receiving from the opposite sex; I was finding everything to blame it on - such as guys being "shallow," other girls being more "aggressive" and "flirty" than I was... dumb stuff. My heart was growing ugly and bitter. So foul.

I went to do my intensive up at Liberty this summer, and God COMPLETELY wrecked my heart and my emotions with the realization that I was being INCREDIBLY SINFUL, PETTY, AND BRATTY. I was SO focused on my discontentment that I was fully missing everything that God was trying to do in my life. Praise God, just like He brought me out of my most recent ungodly relationship, He brought me out of my most recent ungodly nonrelationship. (That may not make sense to you, but it makes sense to me.)

When I came back from my intensive, my attitude had totally changed. It was definitely a work of God and not of myself, because it was miraculous. I felt so free and light and amazing. But my flesh and the Enemy had other plans. A few weeks ago, I started to grow discontent once more. I began to desire to settle for right now and satisfy my fleshly longing to be in a relationship rather than continue to serve God and patiently wait.

Sometimes I really despise the word PATIENCE. It is not a fruit of the Spirit that comes naturally to me. Which, when you think about it, is a weird statement to make, because none of the fruits of the Spirit are natural, that's why they come from the Spirit and not ourselves. But I think out of all the things that the Spirit supplies me with, I quench patience the most.

So anyway, I began to get impatient. And grow discontent. And, just like He always does, God used His Word and the Spirit and fellow believers in my life to hold up the mirror and show me my UGLY. Praise God. Even though it's hard...especially in the quiet, lonely times (like right now)...God is good. And He has given me so many defenses against my deceitful heart, my flesh, and the Enemy.

Once again, God focused my gaze on what matters most in life, which is NOT ME BEING HAPPY. That should not be my life goal. God forbid I should EVER forsake all else to pursue my own wants in lieu of what God wants. What matters most in life is that I GLORIFY GOD WITH ALL THAT IS IN ME. That I seek to be conformed to His image. Because His image is the original. Mine is just the copy. And I am but dust. God, fill me with more of You, because I long to respond to You...You won't relent (Praise God!)...great is Thy faithfulness. So many songs are coming to mind right now. I think I will go praise you through music. :)

Spring Cleaning

Today was an amazing day and also a heart-breaking day.

Pastor Osborne delivered two incredible sermons today, but the message he brought tonight (technically, last night) was profound. He used spring cleaning as a metaphor. In 1 Corinthians 5, Paul alluded to the "spring cleaning" Israel had to do by finding all their leaven and removing it from their homes. For those who don't know what leaven is (and I really didn't until tonight), leaven is leftover dough that ferments and can spoil the rest of the dough if used.

So anyway, Pastor Osborne compared that to us and how we need to confess our sins and renew our hearts DAILY. He said that "it is harder to get your life clean than to keep it clean." That is so true. I have experienced it over and over again in my life.

When I don't stay in the word and confess specific sins DAILY to God, I become a hoarder of sin and laziness in my heart. Eventually, there's not even room to walk through the pathways of my heart, because they're so cluttered with meaningless distractions and "small" sins that I've become desensitized to because I haven't confessed them. When I finally become convicted to actually "catch up" and "get back to where I used to be," it's a HUGE struggle to overcome.

D        A        I          L        Y.

That's a word I struggle with, because I'm so undisciplined and lazy. I create plans all the time to get in the Word and spend time with God, but it falls apart after a few days. Every time. And I'm left feeling hopeless and defeated. Every time.

Let me take a break from talking about that really quick and go somewhere else. For the past month and a half, I've been on a "healthy eating plan," "lifestyle change," or "healthy food regimen"...whatever you want to call it. I've been telling myself for the longest time that I need to lose weight, but I finally had to buckle down, decide what foods I could and could not eat, and commit to it. It takes a DAILY (there's that word again!) decision to deny myself bread, pastas, and other high-carb or high-sugar foods and instead choose to eat the foods that are good to my body and not just good to my taste buds. Sometimes I want to cheat. There are days where I eat a cookie...or a piece of bread...or...fill in the blank. But then I envision the end goal once again. I am determined to be at a certain place by December, so I will stick to what I'm doing in order to attain that goal.

Okay, so let's go back to the whole DAILY discipline devotions thing. Same concept, right? I just need to "begin with the end in mind" as it were. Where do I want to be? And how do I get there? Answer: I want to be at His feet, following in His steps, IN HIS WILL. I get there by DAILY deciding to spend time in His Word and talking to Him...confessing my sins.


I never want to get to a place where I can't recognize sin in my life. I never want to be living in sin and moral filth and consider myself to be in a "close and loving relationship with God." I found out something about a missionary in my church tonight that broke my heart. He is being blinded to sin by Satan and his own selfish heart, and he still considers himself to be serving God.

Please Lord...

                                                                                                                                ...change his heart.

And help me find and remove the leaven from mine.

1 Corinthians 5:6-8

Late Night Ramblings.

First of all, I think it's safe to say that I'm awful at themed blog posts. Agreed? Good.

Second of all, I don't even know why I'm attempting to write this right now, because I'm tired. I just finished reading all my blog posts from Germany, and I miss the Dueck family with a passion.

Third of all, God's been doing some great things in my life and in my heart recently. I've been pretty consistent with my bible reading lately, and I really hope that continues. Also, God has convicted me about my attitude. There's this book called, "Lord, Change My Attitude (Before It's Too Late!)" by James McDonald. It outlines five negative attitudes that the Lord hates (complaining, coveting, criticizing, doubting, and rebelling) and gives five attitudes to replace them with in the life of a believer (being thankful, content, loving, having faith, and being submissive). I think my biggest challenge is to replace my complaining and covetous attitudes with attitudes of thankfulness and contentment. Which reminds me! I need to write in my "5 things I'm thankful for" journal. I'm trying to write down things I'm thankful for each day (as recommended by James McDonald in the book) so that I will complain less and less and more joy will come into my life.
Also, after I finished that book, I started reading another book I've had for awhile called "In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day" by Mark Batterson. And as I was reading it, it just hit me for the first time that God is truly ALWAYS with me. Like, when I call on His name in prayer, there's no waiting period as his presence "loads," because He is already there. He is here right now. All I have to do to talk to Him is open my mouth. How crazy is that?! Also, how humbling is that? The flipside of that means that He is ALWAYS there when I sin. He is right there watching me as I lie, or doubt, or complain, or any other amount of things I do that are sinful. So I guess it's true what Pastor Osborne says about his definition of the fear of God - the continual awareness that I am in the presence of Holy God; every thought, word, action, motivation, and ATTITUDE are open before Him and are judged by Him. Wow.

God, please continue to grow me in the fear of the Lord. You know my heart better than anyone ever has, does, or will. Empty it of my selfish desires and fill it with Your desires. I pray that the things I want would be the things You want. I pray that my faith would grow by hearing, and hearing by the reading of Your word. Help me to read it, memorize it, and meditate on it DAILY. Teach me moment by moment. When I have the choice of spending time with You or doing ANYTHING ELSE, I pray that I would choose to spend time with You.