An Exercise in Letting Go

I was sitting at my desk at work on Wednesday afternoon, and I was thinking, "How do people with kids live life?  Like, I'm married and have no kids, but I still feel overwhelmed with all of the demands I face JUST FROM work, church, bills, house, and marriage - how do people survive once kids are thrown in the mix?"

It seriously baffled me.

Since Tyler and I have been married, we left Faith Baptist (the church I pretty much grew up in) and started attending Life Church.  Right away, we got involved in their music ministry - Tyler, playing the bass guitar, and me, singing in the choir and on the mic.

We've been attending & serving regularly for a year and a half (I was even promoted to choir director), but during that time, I've only led two songs on the mic, and both of them were on Wednesday nights.  This has been a struggle for me, because ever since we started attending Life Church, I've wanted to lead songs on Sunday Mornings.  The longer we've been going to that church, and the more I've felt like I've had to fight to prove myself vocally, etc., the more stressed I became.

Long story short, about a month and a half ago, a part of me woke up.  "What is the big deal with leading songs at Life Church?" a voice in my head asked me.  (Not like the Schizophrenic kind of voice, but you know what I mean.)

Let me just say - Vanity, vanity, all is vanity.  It's true.  And I decided to find avenues to use my voice that aren't a constant fight or struggle and that don't have me second-guessing my ability/gift at every turn.  So I joined Lakeland Choral Society.  And I committed to singing in the Christmas cantata at Faith Baptist this December.  And my mom and I are singing in a choral performance at the end of September.

So just when one door was closed to singing Christian contemporary music in the way I wanted, another door has swung WIDE OPEN to get back into singing classical choral music - which is something I've sorely missed!  And I know I'll be so busy with these things, I won't even have a CHANCE to miss leading music at Life Church.  And why was I so bent on doing that anyway?  For external validation of my voice?  Man, what foolishness.

Anyway, God is good.  He provides for our needs and blesses us with things that we didn't even know we wanted until it's in our lives!

So back to my initial statement - my life is busy.  My life is full.  With:

1. All of the aforementioned musical endeavors (Lkld Choral Society, FBC Christmas Cantata, and the September Choral event)
2. Writing a sequel to the novel I wrote last November (I'm almost halfway done!)
3. Being a wife & caretaker of my amazing husband (this involves cleaning, laundry, cooking, budgeting, grocery shopping - all things I've never really had to do before being married)
4. My job - of course.  Full time.  It's a lot.
5. Being the choir director at Life Church

This list is not all-inclusive, but it highlights the main things.  How would kids fit in there anywhere?  I have no idea.  I'm not saying I never want kids.  I'm just saying, they would be a huge adjustment.  But I'm ready and willing to do what God's will is - if that's to have a child in the next year, I will do it with joy.  If it's to wait a few more years, I'll do that with joy as well.  And if it's not to have any children biologically - He is Sovereign God, and I will abide by His Will.

What about you?  What is God doing in your life?  What has He blessed you with that you didn't even know you wanted until you had it?