Chasing Sunlight

I wrote this on the plane ride from Chicago to Munich.

How long have I been in the dark?
Fumbling along a path of my own folly,
Groping for some kind of consolation in the shadows.
My knees are bleeding from falling over my own sin,
Thorns and branches tear at my flesh -

I begin to run.

Tears sting my cheeks.
My broken hands reach out in front of me;
They long for Your touch.
Lord, I cannot see.
Where have you gone?

I stumble.

My bleeding feet scream in agony.
Where is the sun?
I've been in the dark for so long,
I can't remember what light and warmth feel like.
Grace seems foreign and undeserved;
We're so far apart,
But I'm the one who left.

I stop. I listen to the silence.

Then I begin to sob,
"Abba Father, Abba Father..." over and over.
I cover my head in shame and despair.

The midnight black engulfing me lightens to a blue;
A beacon of light appears in the distance -
I gasp in wonder.
Can it be?

I wait.

The light grows, stretching and racing to meet me.
A strangled cry of forgotten ecstasy rips from my throat.
I tremble with desire.

A song dances toward me,
Embracing me with its restoration and beauty.
My self-inflicted wounds begin to heal.
All of a sudden, I feel a hand caress my head
Like a father caressing His precious child.

I look up into the Sun.

I am blinded by the Glory I see before me.
"I am not worthy of this," I protest.
"My child, I will never leave you.
Though you chase after other lovers,
I still pursue you. My love is unfailing."

My being is filled with awe.
He delights in me.
He holds my frame.
He will never leave.

"I cannot walk," I admit.
He picks me up and carries me
Into the realm of His light and love.