GERMANY IN LESS THAN 23 HOURS!

Well, my plane takes off in less than 23 hours anyway...

God is so good. My relationship with Him has been distant lately, but He has assured me of His faithful love. And I am taking the steps necessary to grow closer to Him.

So my boss called me this morning. And asked me if I was working tonight. That was unexpected news to me. Who works the day before they leave the country? But then I realized it was all because of a miscommunication (mostly on my part), and that makes me feel awful. I want to have honesty and integrity in all my dealings. It's just so hard, because I'm so fallible.

And I got to talk to my Geezer today. This is her:

Obviously, I love her. And miss her. Terribly.

So anyway, I was talking to her today, and she just really challenged me. To be more consistent in the time I spend with God. And I want to be so close to Him that I can hear His voice. I want to listen so that I can hear Him. That is my prayer. 

Tonight, Hannah and Marris are coming over to shower me with love and affection before I fly away for 6 weeks. I can't wait to see their beautiful faces!

These are them. Plus my friend Sara in the blue. I wonder how she's doing...

So anyway, busy night planned. Busy day tomorrow. 5 HOUR LAYOVER in the Chicago airport tomorrow afternoon. I have no idea what I'm going to do during that time. Ehhhh....read a book. Of course. Any suggestions?

So I'm going to GERMANY!!!!!

I leave in 34 HOURS!!!!! Yes, that's right. My plane takes off at 11-ish on Wednesday. How fun, right? Ok, so let me just tell you what I had to go through today in order to prepare for this ordeal of leaving.

First of all, I hate converters/adapters. And I still don't even have one. Because I went to five different stores looking for the right one, and noone could give me a straight and definite answer of what I would need. Blech (that is the onomatopoeia for the bad taste I have in my mouth because of that).

Second of all, I wanted to get a new camera because my old one is practically dead. In camera years, it is approximately 84. Give or take a few months. So anyway, I was hoping to find a really cheap one (circa $50), but alas, I did not research. And I found out it would cost wayyyyy more. So I had to get my priorities in line and not buy other things because I really really really wanted this camera. And I got it!!!! (Thanks, Mom!)

First picture taken with new camera:

My mother, ladies and gentlemen. Ain't she a beauty?

First video taken with camera:

As you can see, my mother should be a movie star.

Ok, so after the camera and adapter fiasco, it was time to head home. I was still uber frustrated, so I didn't say much on the ride. But texting my best friend had a way of remedying that :) Then, when I got home, I decided to start packing...and kept packing...and Danette came over and exhorted me and encouraged me and distracted me with precious anecdotes and her sweet laughter! Until I was done with the packing. 

Then, the moment of truth came. We drove over to Amy's house to weigh my luggage. My bag can only be 50 lbs. and my carry-on can only be 17 lbs. And my bag was really really heavy as we were leaving my house. I was super nervous. But we got to Amy's, weighed the bag, and - Hallelujah! What a Saviour! - it was only 43 lbs!!!!! And my carry-on was only 14 lbs!!! =D That's how happy I was. So I had a piece of cheesecake to celebrate (Shhhh, don't tell my sister. She wouldn't be too happy about that.) Then, Danette recorded a farewell video which is private and I can't show to you so stop asking! (If you want to see it, approach me later.) And then Amy and Danette sang me a song!

Just kidding, that was take one ;)

Aaaaand the real deal will have to wait. Because it won't upload right now. So that was my day/night of preparing for Germany. MORE TO COME!!!! :)))))))

The In-Between.

There are so many times in my life when I am recuperating from the last big thing that happened and waiting for the next thing to begin. But often during these times I wonder - what should I be doing? What should I fill my time with?

...Baking?
...Bible studies?
...Dating?
...Resting?

Oftentimes I end up in bed mostly watching tv or movies. Browsing on Facebook. Not enriching my life or accomplishing anything whatsoever. Which is where I currently find myself. Between degrees. Between relationships. Between schools. Between jobs. God, what is it You want me to do? Show me.

Still in James...

"Therefore, submit to God. But resist the Devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, sinners, and purify your hearts, double-minded people! Be miserable and mourn and weep. Your laughter must change to mourning and your joy to sorrow. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will exalt you."
-James 4:7-10, HCSB

Wow, it was really hard to pick which verses to focus on. But I'm a simple girl. So if I tried to take the whole chapter in at once, I might go a little skitzo. Anyway, the second half of verse nine really jumped out at me - "your laughter must change to mourning and your joy to sorrow." Now, taken by itself, this verse would seem absurd. Why would God want us to be sad and depressed? But if you look at the verses prior, the answer is given. The NLT translates verses 8 and 9 in this way: "Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world. Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy."
We are to yearn to be grieved by our sin. Because if we love the world and are divided between God and the world, we are serving ourselves. Our "joy" is fleeting because we are not getting joy from our heavenly, eternal Father. In order to come close to God and purify ourselves from sin, we must first face sorrow over our sin, because it causes God to sorrow. And what grieves Him must also grieve us.
God, I can think of so many times in the past three years especially when I tried to find joy in earthly things. When I allowed my loyalty to be divided between God and other things. And that's SO EASY to do. Especially at this age. Especially in relationships at this age. Because, let's just be honest, right now, I'm at the age where marriage is a definite possibility. But I cannot let my desire for a husband eclipse my love for my Father. A wise friend reminded me recently that I must content myself in God alone. Easier said than done, but I am not alone in this endeavor. God has equipped me with His word, the Holy Spirit, and fellow Christians to encourage me. Thank you, Lord.

Wisdom in James Pt. 2

"Who is wise and understanding among you? He should show his works by good conduct with wisdom's gentleness. But if you have bitter envy and selfish amibition in your heart, don't brag and lie in defiance of the truth. Such wisdom does not come down from above, but is earthly, sensual, demonic. For where envy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every kind of evil. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peace-loving, gentle, compliant, full of mercy and good fruits, without favoritism and hypocrisy."
-James 3:13-17, HCSB

So heavenly wisdom is contrasted here with earthly wisdom. Those who consider themselves to have inherent wisdom try to brag and defy the truth. But heavenly wisdom is pure, loves peace, is gentle, complies, is merciful, inspires good fruits (works), and is impartial. In the NASB, the quality of "unwavering" is also accredited to heavenly wisdom. I think this says a lot about how we should discern what kind of "wisdom" we are following in our lives. Any kind of wisdom which contradicts the Bible and what it teaches is not true wisdom. We should not listen to wisdom which exalts self or defies the truth. Instead, we should follow wisdom which is pure (undefiled, holy), peaceable (not stirring up strife or drama), gentle (full of love and compassion), compliant (submissive rather than abrasive or rebellious), merciful (rather than unforgiving), impartial (not showing favoritism or hypocrisy), unwavering (grounded steadfast in the truth), and yielding good fruits or works. I don't know about you, but this is definitely something God needs to work with me more on.

Wisdom in James

"Consider it a great joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. But endurance must do its complete work, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing. Now if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives to all generously and without criticizing, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith without doubting. For the doubter is like the surging sea, driven and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. An indecisive man is unstable in all his ways."
-James 1:2-8, HCSB

So another thing a man can do to gain wisdom is to ask God for it. DUH! But if you think about it really hard, how many of us actually do ask God for things in the right way. What does that mean? We need to ask God in faith without doubting. If we're just blindly asking without the assurance already in our hearts that God will provide, why should He answer our prayer? And this also implies asking God first without trying in our own strength first. Because if we try to fix a problem or find answers or wisdom on what to do in a situation from our own reason or someone else's advice BEFORE WE SEEK GOD on the matter, what does that say about our faith in Him?
This, I believe, also goes along with the verse in Psalm 111 which tells us the fear of the Lord leads to wisdom. We are to boldly approach the throne with faith IN FEAR and reverence. I feel that many times people (and I include myself in this also) do approach God in prayer boldly, but they misconstrue this boldness into irreverence and bossiness. They try to tell God what they want Him to do for them instead of presenting their requests to Him and then waiting in patient abandon for Him to accomplish His will.

God, help me to submit myself to You in prayer. Reverently. And in fear. I freely admit that I do not have a proper fear of You, and I am often irreverent when I speak to You. Please forgive my prideful attitude. Cleanse my heart of all sense of exalted self. Cast down any idols I have made before You. Help me to seek wisdom above all else. I love You, my Abba.

Wisdom

Am I wise? Am I discerning? Do I trust my own sense of what Your will is over seeking You for Your will? What is the basis of knowledge and wisdom? How do I attain it?

"The FEAR OF THE LORD is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow His instructions have good insight. His praise endures forever."

-Psalm 111:10, HCSB

God, praise You. Bless Your name. Thank you for Your power and sovereignty. To give even a dumb wretch like me wisdom. I am so undeserving. Help me to content myself only in You. To cease my pursuit of fleshly desires. You are the ultimate source of joy in my life. Why am I so quick to forget that?